


saturated sunrise

by zipzipnada



Category: Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Anorexia, Anorexia Athletica, Bulimia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, M/M, and his friends have completely had enough of the whole town blaming him, for a damn football game when his health is way more important, the amount of pressure Jason is under is insane and horrific
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-10-27 01:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10799163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipzipnada/pseuds/zipzipnada
Summary: // I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old //Jason's drink goes untouched. He plays with his straw and stirs the milkshake, but never takes a single sip, and if any of the cream squirted on top gets on his fingers he wipes them clean on a napkin.His parents never noticed. His friends do.





	1. Trini

They say it takes an outsider to see the cracks.

  
Trini likes this spot. It's tucked away from the rest of the school, sitting on the outskirts just like her, but she can see the whole building from the downward slope of it's architecture. Way up high on the bleachers, it's too much like Grease for her liking, but it's a better place to catch up on the assignments and projects her new school has lumped her into.

  
In the three months since she arrived, coming up to sit there almost every evening after school, no one has ever disturbed her.

  
That's why she likes it so much.

  
Her one qualm is the boy.

  
The first time he showed up she felt her hair rise on end, half expecting him to notice her and spoil this spot of tranquility she had found, but when all he did was run Trini relaxed. He ran and she read, listening to her blasting music and ignoring his existence. He ran and ran, and maybe ran some more long after she eventually left to get home in time for curfew, and Trini never gave him a second glance for the first month of their quiet little routine.

  
But as time goes on she starts to get unnerved.

  
His name was Jason Lee Scott, she learns, not by actively trying to find out but by proxy of him being Angel Grove's minor celebrity: golden Quarterback, destined for great things. Weight of the entire town on his shoulders. She's heard about him from the mouths of thirsty girls in the bathrooms and the back of classrooms, she's heard that he trains every day, even on weekends and when the rest of his team are out getting burgers, that he's got a coach and that his parents have had him crushed into training sessions and all kinds of extracurricular activities since he was old enough to speak. She's heard about the high strung boy who spectacularly explodes sometimes with outrageous pranks no one can quite believe he pulled off.

  
She can't help but feel grossed out about it because this guy is a kid and it's fucking football for pete's sake. People talk about Jason Lee Scott like they're talking about a fictional character, not a person.

  
Five weeks in she watches him run instead of doing her homework. Bemused and wondering just when he's going to stop and take a breather.

Eight weeks in she stays longer and longer each day, pushing the limits of her parents' patience and feels unease prickle at her when the kid just keeps on running. For hours he just... runs. Around the pitch. Ear buds in, expression stony and focused. Pace relentless.

  
Thirteen weeks in she watches him run around the entire pitch five times before her resolve snaps and she summons up enough false courage. The short girl slams her books shut, shoves her bag over her shoulder, and matches down the endless steps until her feet touch the grass with all the determination of a charging bull. All the girl has to do is stand and wait for him to make his way around, and when he does she steps in front of him.

  
Angel Grove's golden boy only barely misses crashing into her.

  
Trini watches him pull out one of his earphones, panting harshly and fixing her with an incredulous look. This close to him she can see how much his hands are shaking.

"What are you doing?"

  
His tone, cracked through a hoarse voice gasping for air, almost makes her balk. She's the new girl, forever, and this is the untouchable Jason Lee Scott whom was born there like so many other students rocking around Angel Grove High School. He's an old soul in the town. She feels like a usurper. She's no right to tell him what to do.

  
Despite all this she still steels herself, even as her face flushes and her body tenses to run away. She doesn't talk to people. She avoids them. But fuck this.

"You run too much, homeboy. You look like you're gonna die right now"

  
She says it because he damn well does. He's swaying on the spot, his eyes are angry but they're not focusing on her properly, he's trembling from the tips of his fingers to set of his legs on the track, and he doesn't look like he's all there. Skin that ought to be flushed bright red from all the exertion is instead the grayest shade of pale she's ever seen, and even under a layer of sweat his skin looks dry, dehydrated. He's a pale watercolour mark on a bright, acrylic background. Even though her words are harsh and her tone is spiteful, Trini's worried. It's scary seeing what it looks like when a Human reaches their limit and intends to carry on: delusion written on their flesh and set deep in their glazed over crystal eyes.

  
This is a _child_. A damn kid. Sure, he's older than her, but he's still only sixteen and maybe it's her own experience with unrealistic expectations from her parents pulling empathy from her, but Trini feels like the only person in the entire town who's frightened about this. It upsets her, no, _enrages_ her that no one else can see the damage they're collectively inflicting on one single kid.

  
Trini isn't sure what she expected his reaction to be, her words were ill chosen and maybe she hadn't approached him with the right kinds of tact, so it doesn't surprise her all that much when he responds to her cutting tone with a glare and a warning tone.

  
"Mind your own damn business, whoever the fuck you are" He tells her, and even though she could blow him over with one breath in that moment Trini feels a wash of humiliation over her and backs off, burning from the inside out. She feels stupid, invasive, and like the Earth ought to curl around her ankles and swallow her whole.

  
He shoulders past her without another comment, and carries on running.

  
After that, she finds a new hang out for after school; this one way out in the mountains near an old train yard, and avoids him as much as she avoids the Hart girl because both of them are nothing but overused high school cliches, and she just wants to keep her head down. Before she knows it her parents will probably cart her off somewhere else, and she tries to tell herself it isn't her place to fret over some random kid or place judgement on others who don't seem to give a shit about him, too obsessed with their pride and their game to notice how a child is hurtling into self destruct.

  
When they meet again months later as the Rangers, Jason asks who she is, and Trini realises with a sinking in her gut and a chill over her skin just how bad his situation was, _is_ : how endangered his health was when she confronted him because he has absolutely _no_ recollection of her or their brief exchange. He looks alive now, gone are the hollowed eyes and perpetual tremble of his hands, but something in her gut tells her that's only because of the coins they've acquired and the bizarre energy rush they granted the five kids. That's when she decides she won't back down this time. Even if none of them become friends after this and just settle as some Power Ranger team an alien in a wall declared them to be, and even if her parents do decide to move again, she's going to try harder with him this time.

She swears it to herself.


	2. Billy

When Jason releases him from the awkward hug and all the previous tension leaves the room, Billy gets a better look at Jason.

  
Back at the school he remembered thinking Jason looked tired, and really what kid didn't, but otherwise awesome for sticking up for Billy when there was no reason for him to. His mind floated around the possibility of making a friend, having someone who looked out for him like he'd seen other friends do for each other, so much that he didn't stop to really take a good look at the former Quarterback.

  
And wow, Jason looks rough. Terrible actually. Billy almost tells him just that.

  
How on Earth Ruth, his AP Physics study partner, was able to inappropriately objectify Jason all the time- hotter than the goddamn sun, 2% fat, all muscle and gorgeousness- Billy has no idea, not when he looks so... _small_.

  
Thinking of how many times he'd had to squash himself against the hall way walls to get out of the football team's way as they marched along, shouting boisterously and chatting animatedly to their flanking cheer squad, Billy wouldn't say that he's given Jason all that much consideration before the last twelve hours. He walked in a different league to Billy, he flew high in the skies of Angel Grove elite and Billy shuffled along the undergrowth; mostly unnoticed and ignored. The only reason he knows Jason's address is because Billy went to his seventh birthday party; back when mothers were in charge of who got invited and Beverly handed out invites to the parents of Jason's entire class. Addresses, like road names, and coordinates, and maps, they all stick like glue in Billy's memory, and within his brain there's always been a pin on a map of Angel Grove over Jason's house.

  
But now Billy finds himself thinking solely of Jason. About everything he already knows about him and what he wants to find out.

  
Before Jason can ask what Billy's staring at, and before Billy has to explain that he gets lost in his own internal monologue sometimes, and end up ruining everything by blurting out that he thinks the shorter boy looks wafer and brittle, _are you alright?_ , Candace shouts down the stairs.

"Would you like to stay for dinner, Jason Lee Scott?"

  
"Um, no, no I'm okay" Jason calls back, sheepish, and then hastily adds. "But thank you! And um... Just Jason is fine"

  
Billy points to Jason's brace clad knee. "Did you walk here?"

  
"No, I cycled. Wouldn't have made it in time otherwise"

  
He hums, disapproving. "You shouldn't exercise on an injury as bad as that, it can hinder healing or even disable you perma-"

  
"What was this thing you wanted me to help with?"

There's a little pause wherein Billy just stares, a light frown on his face, before his lips part in a silent 'oh'. He'd overstepped. Oh dear. He thinks to himself as they make their way to the car, decked up with explosives, that Jason ought not to be carrying anything too heavy, he's limping and flinching in pain but makes no attempt to stop.

  
He never stops.

Even after they gain their powers, Billy takes note of how Jason never asks for help even when his knee- not healed, it seemed, just not as plaguing as before with the super powered advantage- is clearly swollen and sore, never takes up Kimberly's offer of doughnuts or cookies as she flings them onto the table between them all, and he never stops training long after the others have flopped on the ground for rest bite.

  
He never stops, and he never eats either. Every time he comes over Candace offers dinner, and Jason politely declines even when the others gratefully accept. He'll sit with them all and act like there's nothing off about their full plates, gorging to sate their new super appetites and need for increased calories, and his absent one. Billy readily admits Jason looks better since they found the coins. He doesn't look gaunt anymore, his features are softer while still being toned but Billy still feels, sometimes, as if Jason is going to collapse like a deck of cards. The Red Ranger is so focused on them, that he doesn't seem to ever think of himself.

  
The thoughts and conflicting emotions whirl around within Billy every day, and his mouth twitches to ask the others about it. He can't though. He overshares and that's fine when it's his own business to spread, but he can't do it when the overshare will be someone else's life. He visits the library and flicks through Google, looking for as many answers as he can find on what to do, but books on mental health and nutrition, and long pages of articles written by professionals don't do anything to ease the coil of fear that only tightens as each day passes. It twists and it hurts every time Jason braces himself on the wall for only a second before throwing his body back into the fight, and then only drinks a Lucozade after they've finally convinced him enough is enough, they're leading to Kim's for Netflix.

There's a lot of information, Billy's overwhelmed by it all, but there's nothing about how terrifying it is being in orbit of a psychological disease and having no idea what to do or say to help.

Two weeks after they defeat Goldar and banish Rita, Billy watches Jason pull his leg up onto his seat as the group gather in the cafeteria for lunch, and rub his knee with a tightness in his eyes. Billy has his lunch, packed by his mother, Kimberly has her usual assortment of cakes that Trini picks at regardless of whether or not Kimberly said she could, and Zack's free meal was already half eaten when Billy and Jason arrived late.

  
Jason has an apple on the table in front of him. But Billy knows it'll only end up back in the bottom of Jason's bag.

  
The Blue Ranger looks away from the brace straps Jason is adjusting, and catches Trini's eye when she happens to look up from the ominous, lone fruit. Her expression is stormy, but there's a softness underneath it all that clenches painfully in his chest and makes his eyes water. She swallows and looks away, as caught up in splintered feelings as he is, and it's selfish but Billy feels relieved.

  
He's not the only one who's noticed. He's not the only one who itches to say something, to do something, and can't figure out the words to do so.

Trini's phone pings with a text and Billy's eyes are on her as she reads it, hands and phone hidden under the table.

She looks up at him, and nods.


	3. Kimberly

If Jason was a king, then Kimberly was an empress. Or at least that had been her thinking back before they became the Power Rangers.

  
Even for Angel Grove's golden football player, Kimberly was out of his league and for the majority of their lives she'd never even spoken to him. Before he showed promise in football, he was a loser, before he was Quarterback he was Fish Boy: the kid who's dad stunk of booze, fish and salt, and drove a car so grim the older students would dare each other to go up and draw crude things in the dirt. Of course since then Jason's dad washed his car, remarried, changed his entire life around, and Fish Boy turned out to be gifted by the gods of football.

  
However, turn around or not, Jason hadn't been on her level.

  
"I kinda like him" Harper had said a few days after word got out that Jason Lee Scott finally snapped and crashed his truck fleeing from a dumb prank, her legs swinging as she perched on the bathroom sinks. "If Toby doesn't ask me to prom, Jason's taking me"

  
Amanda snorts, almost in sync with Kimberly. "Psh, how? He probably can't even walk anymore. I heard he lost his leg or something. So, good luck with that"

  
With shame in her cheeks, Kimberly vividly remembers telling Harper Jason was way beneath her and to go with the better of the two. The words 'he's pretty cuckoo too' may have left her lips, but Kimberly will deny saying that until she almost believes herself. She didn't know him back then, she realises now that she barely knew anything back then, and it was only a few months ago. It feels odd to her hearing Zack proudly nickname them all as crazy with such fondness when she'd done it not long ago in a much less kind manner.

  
After that day in the bathrooms, Kimberly's life spun around on a whirlwind and a close shave with the sex offenders list, and she's learned a lot about the kid she called Fish Boy and cuckoo.

  
She's learned things she wishes weren't real.

  
It's late in the evening, skirting close to curfews none of them keep anymore, and they're tucked into a pizza place Trini swears is the best one she's ever found in all the states she's lived in. Zack only looks slightly frustrated when the others insist on paying for his share of the meal, which is progress- you're not a charity, Zack, you're important, we love you, we want to treat you to some goddamn mozzarella sticks- and Jason even eats a slice of the massive pizza as it's presented, in all it's cheesy glory, before the gathered teens. The waitress delivering it even laughs at their greedy, grateful looks, and probably thinks they won't be able to get through the whopping table sized special.  
Just you watch, lady.

  
Kimberly's third slice disappears just as Jason gets up to use the bathroom, and none of them think anything of it at first. A fourth slice. Fifth slice. They order a double, checking in their pockets if they have enough, and the waitress's eyes boggle.

  
Sixth slice and Kimberly gets up as casually as she can. The toilets are tucked around the back of the restaurant, so no one sees her push open the men's door rather than the women's.

  
She's greeted by the sound of retching and sniffling.

  
"Jason?" Kimberly calls, slowly pushing at the cubicle doors to find the one he's in. It's locked, but she can see his feet, and after a moment of silence, there's a flush and the door clicks open.

  
As always with the Rangers, Jason looks like he stepped right out of an Ambercrombie and Fitch shoot. If anything their powers are in this moment a hindrance because to the outside world they look like gods, to their enemies they look forever formidable and ready for battle, even when they're shattering into pieces.

  
"You okay?" It's a pointless question. She says it more to test whether or not he'll be honest with her.

  
He isn't.

  
"Yeah, just got a stomach bug I think. There's something going around" Jason twists his wrist and eases past her to wash his hands. They're shaking.

They don't get stomach bugs anymore. They don't even get sniffles. _There are few forms of sickness and disease that can gain a foothold over Ranger immune systems, the primitive strains found on Earth are not among them_ , Zordon told them once when they tried to claim they were too ill to train.

  
There's no more said after that, just Kimberly watching him wash his hands and mouth, and give her a thin smile through the mirror before he leaves.

  
She knew the pressures of sports and image, she knew it painfully well, but had always managed to keep her head above water by some miracle she can't place. She's had friends in the team before get trapped by things like this though. She'd seen all the signs before.

  
There's similarities and then there's differences. While the young girl Rosie had thin hands and ribs jutting out, Jason is all soft curves and flush muscle, he looks healthy while she looked frail.

  
"It's the coins" Billy whispers into the open air, days later when she confides in him, eyes fixed on the muted show playing on Netflix. Jason is over at Zack's place, helping set up a new bed for his mother, so instead of training Trini and Kimberly crashed over his house to the delight of Candace.

  
Trini grunts to disguise how she's clearing her throat, thick with emotion. She already knew Jason was in a bad, dangerous place, but hearing about _bulimia_ too was another dose of terror. "He looked like shit before we found them"

  
Kimberly tries to remember, and her cheeks flush knowing she won't be able to. She never paid attention to Jason. Not like Trini and Billy clearly have. She never paid attention to any of them and she'll never let herself live it down, even though they've all forgiven her for it.

  
"Guys, we have to do something" The words fall out of Kimberly, raw and clogged with simmering tears. Billy's thumb passes over her knuckles, and Trini rests her head on the taller girl's shoulder, one hand twisting through the nook of her arm to link them.

  
None of them know what though. 


	4. Zack

Before the coins, Zack's stomach was flat but featureless. Smooth from ribs to belly button. He was thin yet strong, strong enough to pull his stunts, and he'd always been fine with that: his body image was positive verging on indifferent, sure he had the occasional moments where he felt as inadequate as teenagers did, but it didn't settle in for long. That being said, having an effortless six pack is fucking awesome, and at times like these he indulged.

  
"You know I did wonder what I'd look like with one of these, what I'd look like if I was at my peak, you know? Like this is my absolute prime, man: I'm _hot_ " Zack shoots Jason a smirk. "We're all hot"

  
He doesn't expect the dark look on Jason's face, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, and his smirk fades. Zack drops his shirt and moves away from Jason's full length mirror to lean on the desk. He doesn't even move to correct the pencil case and trophies that the movement knocks over, no matter how annoying the continuous back and forth roll of one statue is.

They're suppose to be studying. They share Math and Zack doesn't want to go home yet, so he insisted Jason's highlighters are the shit and were absolutely vital for his revision that night, along with the added help of Jason's nerdy brain on his side. Both of them knew he was lying, especially since neither of them have moved to take their books out of their bags in the last hour since they arrived, nor so much as glanced at the 'legendary lighters' Zack claimed to like so much.

  
"Don't you think..." Jason starts, then stops, and Zack waits. "Don't you think it's... bad?"

  
Zack frowns. "Bad how? How can this be bad, we're the hottest we can possibly be right now. We look better than best, we're _superheroes_! How is any of this bad?"

  
The blonde sits up to look Zack in the eye, but it's fleeting, and his head turns to the mirror Zack previously stood at. Something pangs in the pit of Zack's gut when he registers the undisguised expression on Jason's face when he looks at himself in the mirror. Zack had been giddy, disbelieving, pretty much delighted by what the coins had brought him to, and he knows Billy and the girls think the same: they've all had their moments of 'oh my god I look amazing'.

But Jason looks blank. Judging. Critical.

  
He's never seen this side of Jason before.

  
It makes him think of what the others had been saying about him, about how worried they are about him. Zack agreed, he'd do anything for these four losers he's come to love as strongly as he loves his mother, but hearing about it and agreeing is entirely different to seeing the evidence right in front of him.

  
"This is as good as I get. I can run and I can swim and I can do anything I can, but this-" He flicks a hand sharply at his reflection, harsh enough Zack almost flinches. Jason moves as if he's trying to grab something, or _claw_ at something. "This is it? This is as good as I can possibly be? I look worse than before. I'm..."

  
He trails off, as if remembering who he's talking to, and flops back down on his bed.

  
 _Downer_. Was the first thought that entered Zack's mind and he hovered for a moment, torn with what to do. A pretty fun time had taken a bleak turn. He lets out an awkward laugh.

  
"Wouldn't be so hard on yourself, Red. You look bomb. You're included in the 'we're all hot' thing" Jason says nothing, doesn't even blink when Zack pushes off the desk and leans over the bed, hovering above him. Zack grins down at the other boy and it only slightly drops when Jason doesn't return it. When he speaks again, Zack's tone is softer. "Why do you think you look worse now than before?"

  
Jason sits up, forcing Zack to step back. "It's not just how I look... I... I can't run as fast as you guys can"

  
"You have a fucked up leg" The Black Ranger blurts back, then regrets it with a sheepish wince. "I mean, none of us are as fast as Kimberly. She's next level, like Sonic, man. We're not as fast as her, or... or can jump as high as Trini, you know? And Billy, have you seen him? That kid could be an Olympic gymnast, Jay. You say that but you're physically the strongest: you picked up all of us at once, with Alpha too, and you were _fine_ , that's badass dude"

  
"And your reflexes are seven microseconds faster than ours" A smirk brushes over Jason's face as he echoes back a fact Zack lorded, but then it's gone again. "I'm still the slowest, Kimberly out of the equation, I'm the slowest Ranger. I'm trying and trying and it just isn't good enough. I can't get faster, I can't get better... I can't keep any of you safe if I can't improve, I can't be the Re-"

  
Proving Jason's point about speed, Zack finds his finger tips under the Red Ranger's chin before either can blink, clicking his jaw shut mid-sentence and tilting the other man's head up so their eyes meet. The impulse move takes them both by surprise and neither move, frozen in uncertainty on what the other was going to do about it. It's all 'can't, can't, can't' with Jason, and it's unbearable to listen to any longer. Zack's mind whirs, remembering back to times when his mother did this, when he got lost in doubting himself and saying dark things, and she'd tap him out with a gentle hand under his chin.

  
Then she'd tell him...

  
"You're perfect"

Simultaneously, Zack means it the same way his mother meant it, and in a completely different way. Saying it now to Jason churns up a fluttering in his chest and a heat to his cheeks that's emphatically  _not_ in any way related to any feeling to do with his remaining parent.

  
Jason snorts, even though his cheeks are pink. "Try raising your standards, Taylor"

  
Zack almost steps back and leaves, because it's a low blow reverting back to cold surnames. Almost. His mother never did, so he won't either.

  
"My standards are fine, but I don't think yours are" Flying wildly off the course of caution, Zack's other hand moves up and without even blinking he's holding Jason's face. His back arches down, so dark brown eyes are closer to grey-blue, and angles so he's sitting next to Jason on the bed.

  
Maybe you're slower because you don't eat.

  
Maybe you're slower because you don't rest.

  
Maybe you're slower because you just _think_ you are, even though you're not.

  
Funny, it a totally unfunny way, that the source of most of his inferiority complexes was even more critical of himself than Zack was. How many times had Zack spied Jason breezing through the halls of the school with his friends around him, radiating ease and punch worthy perfection, and thought how nice it would be to be that self-assured? He supposed, just like no one ever thought there was something behind Zack's wild behaviour, no one ever thought there was something behind Jason's relentless vigor.

  
"You are completely perfect, I think so, the guys all think so. The only thing that needs improvement is your opinion of yourself. You're perfect" Then, because he's Zack and this is Jason, he grins. "I will blast Bruno Mars outside your window every morning until you believe me, don't even think I'm joking-"

  
Jason's face cracks from wary to tilting back, laughing. "Oh god"

  
"-I'll get Billy to help me rig up some big boom boxes, we'll sneak in some P!nk too. Bass so deep your house shakes-"

  
"- No! Shut up, please-"

  
"I'll stop if you believe me"

  
Hands squeeze Zack's wrists, and Jason's head is shaking. The brief spike of mirth has sunk again, Zack can feel it, as acutely as the days his mother smiles through her pain and encroaching fatigue. Jason's chest rattles as he takes a deep breath, face downcast as he thinks about what Zack said.

  
"I want to"

  
It takes Zack off guard that Jason starts to cry even though it ought not to. Jason crying isn't unusual. Of all five of the Rangers, Jason was the first to get misty eyed over anything- sad or happy- but he usually groaned at himself and made a self-deprecating joke about it that made the others laugh. How Jason reacts to crying on the other hand, is very odd. This Jason cries and doesn't try and hold it back. This Jason drops into Zack and hides his face in the other boy's neck, squeezing his fists and tense all over as if he's crawling in his own skin: it's as if he wants to move, as if he wants to burn _something_ out of himself like a fever killing infection, but all he can do is press closer into his friend.

  
His throat shrieks through closed lips, and his nails dig into the nape of his neck through blonde flicks: only stopping from drawing blood by the quiet whisper Zack gives as he eases Jason's hands down and away, into their collective laps. At times his legs fit uselessly, kicking away at the sheets, at nothing, and even though it's warm and safe, he's shivering from his chest outwards because of a sickness deep and hollow in him.

  
Zack waits until the attack eases off into sleep, until a tense body in his arms goes lax and Jason's breathing is even and deep, and waits another hour to be sure the slumber stays before he leaves a glass of water on the bedside and he leaps out the window: bee lining for Trini's house close by in a blur of electricity and frayed nerves.

  
A lot of Jason's panic has left a residue on Zack's skin and he's a live wire pacing Trini's room. On the laptop sat on Trini's legs are Billy and Kimberly on Skype, and all three are ticking their heads side to side like they're watching a tennis match.

  
"I still think he should talk to his parents" Billy pipes up, crackling through lag.

  
Kimberly sighs, and Trini worries her lip, but neither raise argument. They'd thought about it before but staved off because it felt intrusive, like they were invading a part of Jason's life they had no right to barge into, but after what Zack said- after he told them that Jason knows he's drowning- it's free reign. Starting shot is fired.

  
It's a terrible idea. Jason's relationship with his dad is complicated and none of them are quite sure what the dynamic is with his step-mother, but it's a solid starting point.

  
"They have to know, right? Or at least the hospital. Jason was there for long enough, the doctors would have brought it up" Trini reiterates an old point.

  
Kimberly nods, their leader when Red was out for the count. She has a look on her face that calms Zack's agitation. It feels definitive. Certain. He breathes a little easier, and so do Trini and Billy. "We're doing this. Billy, Jason's at your house next Wednesday right?"

  
He is. So they piece together a plan.


	5. Jason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long, it was really, really difficult for me to write as some things in it hit really close to home (I'm still not 100% on it, but its been ages and I wanted to get something posted). It's super low, but I promise the next chapter is more hopeful and happy x

It started out innocuous.

  
A reform of the diet here, a new exercise there. His various coaches telling his parents he had some real promise in all their fields, but none as potent as football.

  
It started off taking out chocolate and his favourite fizzy candy and picking up swimming on Tuesday evenings. It felt nice to get praise every time he was able to do another lap, and one of his coaches highly recommended a brand of shakes, and so on. Every time he scored and every time he impressed someone, Jason felt like he was soaring.

  
Going from the kid people pretended stunk like the fish his father gathered to catching the eyes of scouts and coaches and popular kids smiling his way in the halls, was a euphoric feeling and only got better, and better, the more he did.

  
Beating the best track runner in a race. Indescribable.

  
Winning a swimming race. Unbelievable.

  
Being invited by the football captain to their table at lunch time, and no one pinching their nose with a sneer... intoxicating.

  
As time went on, winning races became less about getting first place and more about beating his personal best. Earning rank in football and the school system became less and less about other people's approval, and more about Jason's vision of himself. It was said that falling asleep happened gradually, and then all at once, but for Jason falling ill was just the same.

  
Some noticed, most didn't. Looking back Dan and his other friends might have taken note, but were too distracted by the hilarious pranks Jason wanted to pull with a look of electrifying wildness in his eyes as he thundered towards anything that made him feel anymore. One guy confided in Jason that the school thinks he's cool, yeah, but they also think he's a 'total loose cannon': he's crazy and not in a 'fun way'. Which did nothing to help Angel Grove's golden boy, it only made him more critical of himself, more tense.

  
When put into a timeline, it took Jason two years and seven months to die.

  
Metaphorical deaths don't get grave stones, eulogies and flowers bundled in beautiful wreaths. They had back handed comments, glares in the hall ways and tiny bits of food thrown in the cafeteria.

  
And even though Jason didn't physically die, he still got dissected in hospital after the crash.

  
Outside the door, Jason remembers vaguely seeing his father stood there, gesturing furiously at a mellow, kind looking doctor. It was faint, muffled like he had ear muffs on, and his head and rolled over the pillow to zero in on the furious visage of his father.

 

 

 

 

 

>   
>  _"- mean my son is malnourished? What are you trying to say here, pal? What, I don't look after my kid? You ought'a see his fitness routine: my son's the healthiest person in the damn town. You mean to tell me he's too healthy now, is that it? He eats salads and all that crap, how can someone be too healthy? He's in here for his leg, so fix it"_
> 
>   
>  _"Mr. Scott, please mind your language. The nurses raised concerns, ones that myself and my colleague here are in agreement with, that your son's health is in danger. We have a treatment plan-"_

  
There were three nurses in total whom Jason was pretty sure were only there to make sure he ate all his meals, because even though they changed his IV bag constantly, making light jokes that he was a thirsty one, they hovered until his meals were empty. Fruit pots and some slop he couldn't taste, in tiny, minuscule portions that made his stomach groan and complain all night: more used to throwing up meals by now than keeping them down. He also had a doctor coming in every day in soft, casual clothes telling him in a kind voice that her name was Mandy and she was going to be staying with him for the future, if he wanted her that is. He said yes, but only because they'd just send someone else until he gave up avoiding what was very obviously a hospital sanctioned intervention.

  
"You're very ill, Jason" Mandy told him one day, in a warm, private room with impassioned eyes and a very large stone necklace he stared at instead of meeting her gaze. "These types of illnesses are hard to spot, even for professionals, you mustn't be angry that your parents didn't pick up on it. They're here now, they see it, and like us they just want you to get better"

  
The idea of being angry at his father and Beverly was absurd, but apparently where the 'professionals' thought his mind went, so Jason never bothered to correct them.

  
Three weeks after waking up with the coins, he had a check up at the hospital.

  
And the entire time there were jaws dropped and smiles so wide Jason's felt burned.

  
"You're doing much better, Jason!" One therapist said, eyes on how Jason walked. His sentiment echoed throughout the rest of the day as more and more carers told Jason, and his father, the same happy news.

  
Their minds were boggled but the general feel was positive, and Jason felt fraudulent.

  
It was the coins. All of it was the coins.

  
He hadn't stuck to any meal plan put together by health professionals, or orders for only the lightest work outs. He'd thrown all their help in their faces and one magic coin had them smiling as he did so. His step-mother even got teary eyed and told him how proud she was of his amazing progress.

  
But he still threw up more meals than he kept down. Still ran until his leg gave out. Still swam until his vision went starry and blurred.

  
Jason was ashamed. Really ashamed. But shame didn't help, and no amount of shame broke through his need for improvement and purpose.

  
He had the Rangers now, he had an entire planet to keep safe, the void in his life was filled and he just had to keep up: he needed to erase everything else, wipe it away like he did before, and keep his eyes on what was important.

  
He had to try harder and not contaminate himself. See Jason had a routine down, a safe one, a solid one, he could bullet point it and run the drill in his head to calm himself down when he felt tense. He just needed to keep to that routine.

  
Which was difficult when his Rangers were intent on ruining it.

* * *

  
"You talked to my dad?"

  
Four teenagers flinch, not out of fear, but at the suddenness of Jason's voice through the Pit. Jason doesn't shout, it's not his thing. Jason's thing, contrary to his fiery suit colour, was stone cold quiet anger: the only time he shouted was so they could hear him better in battle.

  
Billy snaps around first, eyes going straight to his friend at the top of the stairs, and flexes his hands worriedly- smoothing his thumbs over his knuckles over and over, moving from one foot to the other. Barely a second later Trini whispers 'oh boy' under her breath, hovering around Billy's orbit with her arms crossed somewhere between defiance and defense.

  
Zack closes his eyes, leaning back against the cave wall with a quiet sigh.

  
"Jason-" Kimberly starts as she steps up to him, her hands out like she's calming a startled deer.

  
"No, what the _fuck_?"

  
The swear word jabs them like a knife.

  
"What the hell made you guys go to my dad and step-mom? What, you just thought you'd talk about me to them?" The blonde looks between the three of them, and Billy knows it's not the time but he's vividly reminded of Jason stood in his room a life time ago when he tampered with his monitor.

  
Jason had looked so small then. Fragile. Watered down.

  
He looks the same now, even in spite of weight and muscle and mass bulking him up into a superhero, all Billy can see is a small child on the verge of tears with ashen face and red rimmed eyes.

  
Kimberly lets out a slow breath and takes a few more steps up towards Jason, stopping only when he mounts a step away from her.

  
"Jay, we didn't mean to upset you... we're... we're just really worried" The Pink Ranger glances behind her for back up, and two out of three give it. Zack doesn't say anything as he pushes off the wall, eyes down cast. "You mean a lot to us and seeing you like this-"

  
Jason balks like he's been hit.

  
"Like what?"

  
"Sick" Billy offers after a moment when Kimberly finds herself at a loss for words. "You have the same juice the coins gave all of us but you still look sick, Jason. Maybe not to everyone else but we can see it, and after what happened with Zack-"

  
Blue-grey eyes snap past Billy to Zack, who's head has finally perked up at the sound of his name, and he seems to read something in Jason's look because his eyes go wide and his head shakes before Jason even says a word.

  
"You told them?"

  
Just remembering his break down in front of Zack is humiliating. The things he had admitted, the stuff he'd said about how he felt, the panic attack...

  
He'd trusted Zack. And how he had his father yelling at him again, telling him he had to hear from a bunch of losers from detention that his son had been lying to him and to the doctors.

 

>   
>  _You're ungrateful, Jason. That's what you are and I'm tired of coddling around it. These people are trying to help you and you're shoving it back in their faces._

  
"No, Jay, no, I didn't tell them anything, okay?" The dark haired boy all of a sudden looks younger, almost panicked. It's a look he only gets when he gets a message about his mother in the middle of class. Or when Rita is mentioned. "Please, I didn't"

 

>   
>  _Do you want to die? Is that it? Is that why you do all this? Gods sake, son. Please. I don't understand this. Help me understand because I really don't get it at all. I don't understand why you won't just- Hey no, come back, come back here we're not finished!_

  
Trini puts a hand out between them when Jason suddenly remembers how to walk forward and not retreat. "Woh, woh, no. No, boss man, cool it. Zack didn't tell us anything except that you were upset; which we all knew anyway"

  
Kimberly hovers closer to the shorter girl. "Yeah that was it, Jay. We just want to help"

  
Jason flicks between all of them, pale and shaking, and jerks his head as he backs away. "You're... you're not fucking helping. I don't need help. I need to... just..."

  
He stumbles over words, plucked from his lips in a muddle that makes no sense at all, and oh god he feels sick. He feels tight and his stomach is churning on empty. His vision crackles and-

  
Zack's fastest, but Billy's closer, so it's Blue who swoops Jason into his arms when the boy's strings cut and he drops. Kimberly jerks to catch him too with a deep, shocked gasp, and covers her mouth just as Zack's palm supports the back of Jason's head to stop it from hanging back painfully: just like Jason was, she's raw, on the edge of chest wrenching sobs, but keeps it in. She beckons them down the stairs onto softer ground and nods once to the Yellow Ranger.

  
At the silent order, Trini pulls off her hoody and bundles it up as a pillow, crouched as she watches as the boys steadily walk Red's limp body down off the steps between them and towards her makeshift bed. To everyone's surprise, she doesn't move away, and instead combs her fingers through Jason's hair, her expression closed off but her actions tender.

  
Parallel to Trini, Billy sits down cross legged with a hand on Jason's bad knee and Zack spares a moment to throw down his jacket to sit on before he too flops to the ground. Boldly he pulls open Jason's shirt to find the coin in his undershirt pocket, and then holds one of Jason's hands: the red stone concealed between their palms.  
Kimberly nods to herself, approving, and settles next to Trini. Half leaning on her, half on Jason, and her hand settles on Jason's forearm.

  
None of them are sure if it will work. Skin on skin contact. With his power coin and his Rangers, but it always helped them when they were injured... maybe it would help with mental injuries too.

  
At the very least it would ease his faint.

  
Trini sniffs, a little choked, and Kimberly kisses her temple.

  
"We can fix this right?" She asks.

  
No one answers.

**Author's Note:**

> This story took a heaping great load of research, which is still ongoing, and even then I'm still hesitant about it because this is an extremely serious and dangerous situation and I do not want to spread misinformation or romantise it. Some of the stuff that happens to Jason in this are directly inspired by real life accounts people suffering from Anorexia Athletica, an EDNOS characterised by an addition to excessive exercise often brought on by sports or fitness pressures, which in Jason's case comes from his parents, coaches, teams and the entire town all expecting him to perform perfectly at an impossible standard all the time.  
> Jason has an illness, it's going to be treated as such, and if anyone reading this is suffering from any kind of eating disorder, image related dysmorphia, or exercise addiction please, please seek help.
> 
> All of you are beautiful, and I hope you have a great day x


End file.
